i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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