She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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