yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
