I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
