Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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