When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
