I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
