I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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