i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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