The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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