i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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