Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize