What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
