So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
