In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
