No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize