I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize