I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize