he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
