So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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