I'm gonna have a badass scar
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize