you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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