last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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