I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
