why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
