i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I smell like Dick and happiness
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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