I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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