wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
