Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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