Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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