imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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