Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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