i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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