were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
