so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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