You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
