dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Randomize
