whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
