Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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