Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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