If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
