i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
