At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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