I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
