I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
