Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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