There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
