i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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