She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
