Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You are the jesus of drinking
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize