boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
