well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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