Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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