I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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