There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
