cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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