where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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