if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
