based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
