you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
