Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Drake has all the answers
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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