So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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