College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
