Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
